I came to the realization today that I needed to make some changes in many things I pay attention to in the social media space. It was inspired by a couple of posts that helped me gain perspective on what is important in life. My family should be my shining light each day and the work I do to take care of them should never have anything that interferes or clouds that path.
Overall my experience in online networking I will have to say is positive. Unfortunately, there have been a few worms in the apple over the past year or so that have tainted my experience. The conversation kind of goes like this:
I know what I am talking about!
I have numbers to prove it.
Your numbers are false.
I have more followers so nah!
I was marketing while you were playing with Legos
My opinion is by far superior to your opinion.
If you were in front of me right now, I would beat you over the head with my iPad!!
The comments above are a brief representation summary of some of the most useless banter I have ever seen. I have no problem with a bit of a debate. Those are healthy and can help both sides gain perspective on a subject. For the most part, I do not see people willing to debate, they just want to beat someone up. They gather their gang together, hit the pavement with their Foursquare bandanas tied around their neck, gather their Google analytics bats, their chains with as many links as their Feedburner subscribers and it’s time for a turf war.
It’s ridiculous. I came to the realization that in my own Twitter stream and Google Reader that many of the posts that continue to be highlighted and promoted are rants and/or flat-out opinions. Then there are the counter posts that highlight someone else’s post and how wrong they are and the story goes on and on. I was at a social media conference once where the poor speaker was heckled so badly he had to end his presentation early. Thankfully I continue to find gems of people each day who write with amazing passion and heart who will fill the void of those I need to remove. I feel better getting this off my chest even as I write it. It’s a really simple message. Remember what’s important and don’t waste your precious time bashing other people. Social media street gangs are what they are. Just because you know something it doesn’t mean you have to beat someone up in order to get them to do things your way. I am pretty sure there are much more social, socius and humane ways to deal with each other. My hat tip to those who go beyond themselves to be civil and show what is truly needed to succeed in life. I hope I can continue to follow your example.
This post was inspired by a couple of people who wrote some great thoughts from their hearts and based on what real life is about. Thanks to you both. You know who you are.
Written by Jonathan Saar
Social media is just like every other channel in life. There’s ignorance and arrogance every where you go. Someone got booed while doing a presentation? That’s just insanity.
Along with all the good out there, there’s also some bad. Take it in stride Jonathan. You are an extremely positive person who does so much good for this industry and many others. Can’t lose sight of that.
Thank you Bill. Please do not take this post from the perspective of me feeling down in any way. You are right there will always be some bad out there but it doesn’t mean I am going to like it. Like I said to Eric, there is not much that can be done other than making sure I don’t dwell on or participate in it. Thank you for viewing me in a positive way, I appreciate that. Have an amazingly rocking day sir and lets go cheer someone up who needs it. 🙂
A timely post Jonathan, It has been a rather rough couple of weeks for me for a variety of reasons, but I have come to the realization, particularly after last weeks #AptChat that it may well be best to just “sit out” for awhile, because unless you are in agreement with the pun dents, it becomes way too personal.
I am a self employed entrepreneur because I am different and I think different, and above all else, I get to run my own companies as different as I see fit. I have investors and partners to answer too, and as long as they are getting a sizable return, they leave me alone, yet folks seem to have a need to prove their point beyond a reasonable argument. It makes me wonder why I would ever share what we are doing.
I have pretty think skin, however, others who are just starting to fool around in the space see the attacks for what they are and shut down. That is bad, everyone could use a strong dose of manors and professionalism.
I think you understand the point behind the post then Eric. These all though rare occurrences are what shut people down from expressing themselves online in the first place. They look at it as a scary place in fear of those who would shoot them down. Much like school yard bullies which I have referred to in previous posts. I am not sure there is really any solution and this post by no means provides that. I don’t share too much my opinions on things but this is my site and I needed to pen my thoughts. Sorry for what you have been going through and thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts sir.
Beautifully crafted post Jonathan. You continue to inspire with your inextinguishable optimism and positivity. I’m thankful that you are in my “circle”.
Sarah you an amazing person if I have not told you that enough already. Thank you for the compliment. I work hard to try and be that positive person everyday which is why I hope this post will be help someone somewhere who is having a bad day. I appreciate your inspiration.
Agree with your sentiment Sarah.
Sad, but true. Well said!
Thanks Cindy. I appreciate you being here.
Oh Jonathan! I couldn’t agree more. There is such a difference between true discourse and what I like to think of as empty debate. Empty debate is unhealthy. It stands similar to those that regurgitate ideas of others as their own with no weight behind the supposed ideas that they share. It clutters and does hardly a thing other than annoy at a minimum. For those that are in levels of authority, I couldn’t stress more the importance of professional, both when speaking openly and behind closed doors. There is nothing worse than bad-willed corporate citizens… they damage the lot for those that want to participate and engage.
Extremely well said Carmen. That was an extremely poetic way of explaining things. You have given me a couple more items to dwell on for today. Your regurgitate point is an important one which is part of the reason why I wrote this post today. I have been very focused on the unique ways of what it takes to build a sense of community on every level lately. True communities are there for each other even when we make mistakes or misspeak. Your comments resonate with me Carmen. Thank you for sharing.
My pleasure Jonathan. More than happy to help you delve into those thoughts. Cheers to you and your willingness to be open on the topic. It takes guts, so kudos!
Jonathan, now you understand why I took a step back. Often I do not share my opinion on Twitter, I just sit back and read what others have to say. After you reach a certain point, it becomes an echo chamber. I miss the days of collaborative conversation…when different ideas were a good thing. Hearing the same people say the same thing, over and over again, just isn’t what I need to inspire me.
In addition to the street gang attacks you mention, they also come in like robbers ready to steal your ideas and take credit for them. Worse yet, do you harm by spreading their negative opinion about you to your employers/friends/colleagues behind your back in order to make themselves look better.
In the end, people know who you really are. And Jonathan, everyone knows you are trustworthy and full of integrity. You are everyone’s friend. I’m glad you wrote this post to stick up for those who are too weary to defend themselves. We need to have lunch again soon! :o)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Charity. Like the title of my post encourages we can’t let negative experiences change who we are inside. Be true to yourself and be true to those who matter most. Overall I can’t even begin to express how happy I am with social networking as a whole. It has brought me many great new friends and people who I have come to rely on each day. As much as we try not to, a bad experience makes us step back a bit and rethink. I am raising my sword so to speak for everyone. I have had my share of bad experiences but it hurts me more to see others have to go through it. In the end we have each other and that is what makes me smile each day. Lunch will be coming soon I am sure! Thanks Charity for expressing your heart today.
Jonathan,
Sometimes I have the feeling that we are all walking along the yellow brick road. We get pulled into the action, the dream, believing everything we read and see is real…and then suddenly we realize that it is almost always a dream world. Thankfully there are Totos in the world that will pull back the curtain and let us realize that alot of the chatter and twittering is just that…We “meet” people along the way, just like I “met” you via Lisa Petrilli. That was almost a year ago! I am thankful for your insights, your willingness to take a stand. And maybe someday we will meet in person and we will know that a small part of this virtual world has been worthwhile.
Judy
Judy it was a super special day when I met you. You are one classy lady and I am so happy on how we got connected. Lisa P is ridiculously awesome. I look forward to meeting you in person one day soon. I love the Wizard of Oz visual. That is so cool. I never thought about that in that way. You have a great gift of analogy and I appreciate you taking the time to visit and comment today. Have a wonderful weekend!
Well written. This is the ongoing clash between human nature and human desire. Most of us want to “defend our turf” yet doing so exposes a darker underbelly (the social media thug inside) when we forget one very important thing: we are people in here. People with children, jobs, projects, missions. Why can’t we all just tweet along?
Love it! It has been and always should be about the people. I appreciate you echoing what the first part of my post stated. There is way too many other important items we need to focus our attention. Precious moments in life are lost when we forget that. Thank you for your comment!
Jonathan, as you know these are some of the similar experiences I have been through this past year. When I first began networking on Facebook & Twitter for professional reasons a few years ago it couldn’t have been better. It was such an exhilarating feeling to be connected to so many wonderful industry professionals to collaborate, share and even learn from one another. At least that’s what I thought it was. Sadly a huge cloud of arrogance and disrespect began to develop and only continued to grow.
It took everything out of me to keep up with countless hours I spent on a variety of social media platforms. It became obsessive to try and learn, but also to be vocal on the success and failures I was experiencing. Then a strong dose of reality came crashing down and it hit hard! When something that was so precious to me and a passion (exercise) was being compromised from tweeting, blogging & chatting while exercise I had to put a stop to it. In addition to the obsession interfering with my passion, there were let’s just call them the “Boys Club” getting me fired up and too often. The constant bantering, talking about others ideas as their own and even some of mine without any mention or credit where credit was deserved, is when I became the Twitter ghost! What really was so disappointing about my experience was I used Twitter, blogging, etc. to network and collaborate with other like minded professionals, but that has changed. Of course there are several “real” and genuine peers out there like yourself Jonathan who I respect in so many ways and will continue to network online with. Today I am more mindful of information I am sharing or discussing openly online. I still have my go to professionals that I trust and value their input, but instead of reaching out openly online or collaborating on ideas, I go the old school way…phone & email.
It’s not that I am running from confrontation or fear someone may disagree with the information I am sharing. I am simply removing the distraction, frustration and individuals from my social sphere that truly do not have respect for what I have to offer. It’s human nature to not always agree or like someone’s ideas/reasons, but let’s not forget NO ONE is an expert at anything including myself! All the analytics, case studies, shiny new tools don’t really mean a whole lot or hold a high value to me, because you see I choose to network online to be social, to learn, to educate & to share…that’s what being social is about. All the “fluff” is just icing, but first you must bake the cake. Thank you for sharing this post with us. I finally feel free from the “Social Media Street Gang” and boy does it feel great!
Right there with you Kim!
Well said Kim. I feel a “take back Twitter” is brewing…..
Kim you are such a super amazing person. This comment you posted has blown me away. Actually all the comments have blown me away. I never expected when I was penning my thoughts last night that our beautiful community would come out and express themselves in the way that they have. As much as the tools that we use are considered “open” as we both have learned there just has to be barriers of some sort. In any social experience that winds up happening. We have various levels or ourselves that we are willing to share based on what is needed and what is trusted. I preach the same message you preach. People can forget the first word of the expression “social media” very easily. Thankfully in my experience it’s a minority who I have noticed who are in the street gang group and as Mr Brewer and yourself have pointed out, we have a choice thankfully. I am super grateful that you consider me as a genuine peer and I will work hard to live up to that everyday.
J
Great post.
I read it and instantly thought to myself – “self, you have been on both sides of this fence.” I have been both and instigator and and recipient of adversity.
That being said, I think a lot gets lost in context. There are clearly a lot of malicious people with ill intent out there. [Not productive]. Likewise, there are a lot of people out there willing to challenge the positions of others. [Productive and fruitful – in my mind]. The hard part is that it is sometimes hard to tell the difference between the two.
Just this week, I wrote and email to one our teammates where I used the remark “we are playing with other people’s money.” On the surface, not much there. But on a deeper level – taken out of context – my fellow teammate was very offended. Her gut was that it was direct reflection of her time and effort. The reality – a direct reflection on our organization and the process as a whole.
I think a lot is taken out of context. It proves to me that face to face discussions are much more powerful in the way of productivity.
I think the beauty with the internet is that we can opt-out, unfollow, delete or otherwise put to rest the the out right malicious. Anymore, we vote with out time and attention. We all have to vote wisely.
Have a crazy cool Friday!
M
Mike I agree completely. We need to be super careful since online dialog can get lost in translation very easily. Voting wisely is an important lesson as well. The negativity can overtake us sometimes and then we do in fact wind up lowering ourselves. It’s great to be part of communities that work with each other and help. You are a gentleman that I admired the moment I met you on Twitter. I vote for you 🙂
Ah, wise counsel! I’m always surprised by how much some people care about what others do. If we all did everything the same, nothing new would ever be created. We have to venture outside our own heads and comfort zones sometimes. Thanks for sharing. There certainly are social media gangs.
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
Melinda! Thank you for stopping by today. I know you and I both hope that people would care in the sense of concern as opposed to the opposite. I agree that we do need to step out sometimes but as you can see from a lot of the comments unfortunately some can spoil the online party. I am grateful to know someone like you that always has such a great spirit.
Thanks 🙂 I try! There aren’t many things that get me super riled up but being mean, lying, or stealing are things I can’t stand 🙂 It’s sad that some folks can’t just be nice. You are a huge help out here in cyberworld and I really appreciate it!
I decided to come back to this post because of something I came across while at one of my Founder Institute classes. The mentor, a guy who oversees strategy at Google, sent us two links to articles to read. And they were both really intriguing and I thought very useful to the conversation at hand with what you wrote, Jonathan. Essentially, it is about people who think that have original ideas, but the truth is that those same ideas have been thought up by others at nearly the same time and even applied, so therefore are not novel and original to that person. I highly encourage you to read these two articles:
Article One: http://www.kk.org/thetechnium/archives/2009/08/progression_of.php this article in great length clearly states, your idea, even however good and unique you think it is, has already been thought up and acted out by other(s). Period. It is inevitable.
Article Two: http://www.boingboing.net/2011/03/31/prophesies-of-the-in.html this image (the one that is scanned) is essentially written about how people will use technology in the future. And the technology sounds a lot like EBay, Google, YouTube, PayPal, Amazon and a slew of other mainstream technology. And guess what, look closely to when the piece was written (look in the footer), you will be pleasantly surprised.
Which is my point, for those sharing ideas, your ideas are not original. Hell, most of us have thought of it (and applied them at one point or another) anyway. And so to go and lambast others about ideas you think are original to you, is just stupid. So, I suggest everyone smile big and stop thinking your ideas are original. Because, the truth is, they’re not. And when you come to terms with that, then guess what? You probably will feel a ton better and want to actually share more openly with others without thinking you have something to hide or fear for stating what others essentially may already know. Cheers and please dont mind me for my brute honesty. Like it or not, just think about it and feel free to discuss, especially after you’ve read those two articles.
Carmen
(who thinks that there is a definite need to change the way renters conduct search… but I think a ton of you are already thinking that, too).
Carmen, Excellent points. This thread has drifted all over the place, and perhaps from the authors original intent. There is a significant difference between personal attacks and a healthy, lively debate, and personal attacks should never be tolerated, which seems to have been the original point. Folks then drifted off onto “stolen ideas” and other such negatives, even directed at certain folks without naming names (which is passive aggressive way of a personal attack) and seemingly became a self supporting silo to each other, which isn’t really good for the cause either.
Here is part of the overarching problem with communication, everyone has an opinion, and they get to have one, however many times folks are clamoring about topics that they have little experience in, or offering opinions on things they have never done. Sometimes the answer could, or should be we agree to disagree, and leave it at that.
Oh Carmen, One other thing we could add to this is topic at hand is “Second Hand Information” Bottom line, like it or not if you weren’t there, it is always Second Hand Information, and anything more is your own perception and spin, and sometimes a very self serving spin.
Threads have a way of doing that for sure Eric. What is surprising to me was how each person had their own reflection and take based on the article I wrote. It just continues to teach me the uniqueness of every individual and that everyones footsteps are their own. Down with personal attacks and two thumbs up for lively and healthy debate. Thank you sir.
Sorry Carmen for replying so late. I just returned from a trade show over the weekend. This topic may be a subject for me to write about at another time. I have those articles open and will check them out. Overall I was hoping to not convey a right or wrong way of interaction but in general some points to ponder as I have watched the results of dialog going out of control for whatever reason. As professionals it would be hard to admit that we have never been involved in a situation where someones feelings were hurt from a professional standpoint and that was not the original intent. As I expressed in earlier comments this was really a very general ponderous post because that is just how my brain works.
Things happen. One of the points I took from a seminar this weekend was how much technology itself when mishandled creates situations that typically would never exist in a social atmosphere. I am really feeling the need to jump to the complete other side for my next post because overall I can’t tell you how much it has meant to me to connect with professionals like yourself and numerous others who have commented in this thread. It’s like the black dot on a white paper. Our eye easily focuses on the dot as opposed to the bigger picture.
I really appreciate your honesty Carmen. It is one of the reasons why I respect you a lot. You have given me a mouthful to chew on for today. Have a wonderful week!
Life’s too short to allow people to be abusive. I don’t think a lot of folks realize that only bullying is right in line with abuse. If you can’t say something nice or w/o ripping another person apart, well don’t do it! When I royally disagree with something, I walk AWAY from their site or click x. I don’t have to prove them wrong. We all have our own ways of seeing things, beating someone over the head NEVER changes their mind. Great post!
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
Melinda I always love your honest and clear perspective. Ă‚Â I agree so much with your first sentence. Ă‚Â Life is too short but beyond that why even let anything even affect the moment we are in or the day we are breathing through? Got to live each moment and appreciate those that support us. Ă‚Â Thanks for taking the time to comment!Ă‚Â
Wow did not know there was a whole otherside to social media that it could be like HS. I love what I have learned and who I have met.There is no way I would know what I know with out social media, never dreamed in a million years that I woul be able to ask questions of other more experince professionalsĂ‚Â and get answers.Ă‚Â It’s like a whole other world and one that isĂ‚Â evoling everyday. Now that I think about it social mediaĂ‚Â is allot like having a child, you have to work outĂ‚Â the kinks and remember to play nice.Ă‚Â I’m the first one to tell you that I know the basics,just barely,but if you want a more experinced person I will give youĂ‚Â a list of those who ispire me to change how I socialize online. My #1Ă‚Â rule is you don’t put down people you never know when you will need them.We all have our stregthns and weaknesses.Give credit where it is deserve and it will come back to reward you in the end.
Excellent rule to live by Jolene. Ă‚Â Thankfully overall our digital community is filled with wonderful people who are out to really breed a positive experience. Ă‚Â There are definitely learning curves but if you keep your wits about you it will be a steady and fulfilling experience. Ă‚Â Thanks for taking the time to be here.Ă‚Â
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